A new season (her)

I love the changing of seasons, especially when the new season brings with it the glorious sunshine. Here in the hood Spring has been welcomed with the shrieks and laughter of children; ours and many others. Neighbors are emerging from the Winter hibernation and there is commotion in the streets once again.

I too have come out of hibernation and we have spent the last few days outdoors. Windows are open and the refreshing breeze of the Spring air flows through the house. I've had sun tea on the porch, the girls and I have pulled out our dresses and I we've stocked up on flip flops.

I love change.

And it's a good thing... because it's on the horizon.

Stephany is leaving our haven. She let us know earlier this month that she will be leaving in April and heading to the Waterloo area to live with her sisters and go back to school. Steph will definitely be missed and will always be "one of the family"... but we love her dearly and know that she needs to go where God is calling her, and I definitely can't object to her heading back to school.

In a way... it's kind of exciting. Steph leaving brings change and opportunity for our family and we are praying and planning for what God has next...

Devine intent(her)

“That was our first car accident as a family huh.”
”And prayerfully our last.”

Christmas is always an emotional time for me. I hope and pray for family relationships and while I have wonderful in-laws… it just isn’t the same. Spending Christmas with (his) family is nice, but… we all have mom-in-laws… and we know how much they love their boys. On the last day of our trip I broke down and admitted to (him) that although I knew they loved me… I just didn’t “feel” like I fit in. I had been wondering what my family was doing and feeling sorry that I didn’t fit in there either. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right (and happened to have ruined the eggs for breakfast that morning).

Tearfully we finished packing up the car and began our two and a half hour trip home.

We stopped in Davenport for some family fun at Michel’s fun World and not ten minutes back on the highway we found our selves skidding across the road and headed straight for the ditch. I was scared. I looked back and kids were screaming and Brice reached his hands toward me and just kept repeating the words “I love you”, “I love you”. For a moment I remember thinking that we weren’t all going to make it out of this… and then I saw the pole.

In the next moment I knew that the pole would stop us, and that’s all I remember.

I think I was in shock. I don’t remember hitting the pole, or hearing the window shatter or coming to a stop. I felt peaceful though and wasn’t frantic at all. In a way, I knew that everyone was alright. At some point while we sat there in the cold waiting for a tow truck, or the police, or whatever was going on I thought about what (he) said to me earlier that morning when I felt like I didn’t fit in. (He) told me that God has me right where I am supposed to be, and that that is exactly where I fit in.

I have never believed that more.

In just a moment it could all be gone. Our car, our stuff… our children… my husband. I could be gone. But He saved us. We don’t know the extent of the damage yet, but there is a chance our car might be totaled (we will get a final estimate tomorrow). To think about how we flipped around, slid sideways across the interstate, smacked into a pole in the ditch and managed to come to a stop with out rolling and without a scratch or a bruise on any of us… He has us right where he wants us.

I know that I will remember those moments as we slid across the interstate for a very long time. And when I do I will hear those words “I love you” and my heart will know that I am right where God wants me. When I feel like I don’t fit in… when life seems to be spinning out of control… I can remember that I was never really in control anyway… that He says when the car stops… that He saved us that day… and that I am right where His hands have placed me.

The rest of that day was crazy. But God was with us. A man from our neighborhood right here in CR stopped along the highway to help… and that was kind of neat, in a lot of ways. We spent a few hours at a Denny’s waiting for the car to be towed and to be picked up by the rental car company and one of the cooks took care of our bill. And when Stephen called to arrange for the rental car the lady started to tell him that they were going to have to take two trips to get us all there because they didn’t have a vehicle that would fit the seven of us, a driver and our dog… when a Yukon pulled up. And it doesn’t seem like a big thing, but it was nice to ride together and not have to split up after the day we’d had. And then, the guy at the tow yard was super nice and believe it or not everything (five day’s worth of luggage plus all of our Christmas gifts and the dog) fit into our rental (which ended up being a stow-in-go, and those compartments sure can hold a lot).

I don’t think there is any way to really communicate this whole experience. There just aren’t any words to explain what went on in the moments of the accident or to describe what He showed me throughout the rest of the day. The only summary I can give is to repeat what Stephen had said to me… I am right where I am supposed to be.

Nope, I don’t smoke, I guess I look tired and can you pick up your trash please…(her)

So, I was walking a friend out and watched a guy toss his McDonald’s bag out of his car window. And then he pulled over across the street and started walking toward our neighbors place. And I started walking toward him…

“Do you want me to pick that up for you?” I asked.
”Oh, I’ll get that.”

I introduced myself and shook his hand. And as he shook mine back he leaned in a little closer and asked me if I smoke.

”No, I don’t smoke.”
”Well, are you tired?”
”No, maybe…” I didn’t quite know what to say at that moment.

I went inside to powder my face and freshen my makeup before I left for a session… because apparently… I looked tired… or worse.

(And yes, he did pick up his trash.)

I don’t think I’m insane…(her)

Now, just yesterday some gals were questioning my sanity because we have five children. And while I am up for another, and while I’d bring home tens of orphans if I could… I do draw the line somewhere. I may not be exactly sure where that is, but it probably lies somewhere between my fatigue, (his) sanity and the day that Steph leaves us.

(I’m on Pandora listening to a crazy awesome station right now… Regina Spektor. Might need to go buy a Mirah CD today).

Anyway… A full house is beautiful (and yes, noisy) thing. Some of my favorite moments in life are hide-n-seek and dance parties in the living room. I can’t even imagine having a flock of teenagers; do you think they will still let me chase them around the house with kisses?

Nothing profound today (not that much that I write is), just thinking out loud… or on paper… or on the keyboard I suppose. Guess I just needed to rationalize my sanity, cause I typically get the same response when people ask how many children we have. Oh well, I’m in love with them all.